Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Golf Bifocals

I thought I'd heard all the golf jokes in the world but this one was new to me. Stop me if you've heard it. -- Dalton Hammond

Golfer silhouetteA foursome of golf hackers always teed off every Saturday at 10 AM and were all usually there well before tee time. One Saturday Mark rushed to the tee just in time, as the other three were teeing off. Mark apologized and explained that he had stopped at the optometrist office on the way to the course to pick up his new bifocals.

Mark put on his new glasses, teed up his ball and after turning his head this way and that proceeded to hit the best drive of his life. His approach shot to the green was even better than his drive - leaving him a birdie putt which he drilled into the middle of the hole. Mark continued to play the best golf of his life, breaking 80 for the first time and winning every bet.

The golfers retired to the clubhouse after the round to celebrate and allow Mark to buy the drinks. After the first round his friends began to press him to explain his new golf skills.

Mark said "Guys, its these new bifocals - when I put them on and looked over the top I saw a little ball and a little club - when I looked through the bottom I saw a big ball and a big club - but when I looked just right I could see a little ball and a big club. So I hit the little ball with the big club all day. When I putted it was even better, I hit the little ball into the big hole with the big putter."

Everyone thought this was exceptional and decided to have several more drinks. After a while Mark excused himself to visit the Men's room. Several minutes later, when he failed to return one friend went to check on him.

He found Mark at the urinal with the front of his trousers soaking wet. "What happened?", his friend inquired.

An obviously tipsy Mark replied "I don't know. I was standing here at the urinal and I looked down and saw two - one big one and one little one. Well, I didn't recognize the big one so I put it back in my pants!" -- D.H.

More of my Golf Stories

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