Sunday, August 28, 2005

Things You'd Like To Say At Work

More of Wendy's pearls. Where does she find this stuff? -- Dalton Hammond


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

23. Do I look like a people person?

24. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

30. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

32. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

35. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

37. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

38. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

39. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

More of My Humor

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Embers at Ocean View 19-Aug-05

The Ocean View sky was clear, the moon was yellow, and The Fabulous Embers kicked some Beach Music Butt!

I've been a big fan of the Embers for over FOUR DECADES and they've never sounded better. Their sound mix was really good and the band played smarter rather than harder, resulting in a smoothly fitting jam session which they served elegantly. The Norfolk/Ocean View fans knew the words to most of the Embers hits and stayed until the last drum crash. A good time was had by all.

Check out The Embers' web site at

More of My Beach Music Pages

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Happy Birthday Honey

Hi folks. It has been a while since I attempted any poetry. But motivation and Divine inspiration came a few minutes ago when I realized that today is the birthday of my long-lost daughter who surfaced a few months ago after many, many years. We have been thrilled to find each other and we hope a person-to-person reunion is imminent.

The mood of the poem certainly reflects my present attitude and peace of mind. I think I like it better than any verse I've ever done. If you like it too, feel free to use it for whatever personal reasons you see fit. It is otherwise (c) 2005 by Dalton Hammond.

The Lord is faithful, just and true,
His Goodness to impart,
And if I had to make a wish
I'd not know where to start.

My cup so full, my life complete
I thought the Lord was through.
But just when I was out of dreams
He smiled and sent me You.

More of my poems