Monday, October 17, 2011

Balance the Federal Budget

We don't need to increase taxes on corporations to balance the budget...

Just taxing the professional athletes would do it.

-- Dalton Hammond

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Smack Bones

Here is a cooking tip from the Deep South.

Many grocery stores (Food Lion is one) sell 1-pound packets of RIB TIPS (riblets) for around $3. They look like spare ribs but the bones are only a half inch long, or so. They are the trimmings from shaping spare ribs and are prime, sweet, pork rib meat. My grandmother used to serve them as a snack or appetizer; she called them "Smack Bones" and I loved them. I finally figured out how to cook them -- one has to be patient. Cooked properly, most of the fat runs out and the toughish rib membrane nearly crystallizes.

Dose the riblets well with lots of salt...salt them until you think you ruined them. Garlic salt or plain salt. Then put them atop the grill of the roasting pan -- not IN a pan, they don't cook right sitting in their juices. Bake at 350 for a little over an hour. If you take them out early they won't be good. Cook them until you think they're about ruined. They shouldn't look burned, but damn nearly. Then cool a bit and nibble the good stuff off the bones and give the bones to the cockroaches. No sauce needed. M-m-m-m good!

You can thank me later.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

2011 PGA Club Championship Update

What do the following names all have in common?

(Scroll down for the answer)

Steve Stricker
Jerry Kelly
Shaun Micheel
Scott Verplank
Brendon de Jonge
Matteo Manassero
Davis Love III
John Senden
Bill Haas
Brandt Jobe
Anders Hansen
Simon Dyson
Bob Sowards
Adam Scott
Stewart Cink
Brendan Steele
Brian Davis
Miguel Angel Jimenez
Mark Wilson
Trevor Immelman
D.A. Points
Ricky Barnes
Gary Woodland
Jason Dufner
Luke Donald
Nick Watney
K.J. Choi
Robert Garrigus
Alexander Noren
Pablo Larrazabal
Jhonattan Vegas
Robert Karlsson
Rory McIlroy
Camilo Villegas
Michael Bradley
Ross Fisher
Phil Mickelson
Peter Hanson
Spencer Levin
Keegan Bradley
Bill Lunde
Jim Furyk
Steve Marino
Johan Edfors
Johnson Wagner
Y.E. Yang
Justin Rose
Ryan Palmer
Charl Schwartzel
Jason Day
Matt Kuchar
Lee Westwood
Zach Johnson
Jonathan Byrd
Ben Crane
Sean O'Hair
Scott Piercy
Seung-yul Noh
John Rollins
Tetsuji Hiratsuka
Andres Romero
Angel Cabrera
David Toms
Paul Casey
Charles Howell III
David Horsey
Chris Kirk
Brian Gay
Martin Kaymer
Sergio Garcia
Hunter Mahan
Robert Allenby
Harrison Frazar
Francesco Molinari
Steve Schneiter
Kevin Na
Kevin Streelman
Charlie Wi
Martin Laird
Alvaro Quiros
Padraig Harrington
Scott Stallings
Bo Van Pelt
Mark Brooks
Brad Lardon
Yuta Ikeda
Mike Small
Hiroyuki Fujita
Rory Sabbatini
Steve Elkington
Kyung-Tae Kim
Stephen Gallacher
Ian Poulter
Bubba Watson
Thomas Bjorn
Sean Dougherty
J.J. Henry
Fredrik Andersson Hed
Ernie Els
Anthony Kim
Brandt Snedeker
Rickie Fowler
Rich Beem
Bryce Molder
Graeme McDowell
Cameron Tringale
Ryan Moore
Edoardo Molinari
Jeff Overton
Jeff Sorenson
Webb Simpson
Marty Jertson
Charley Hoffman
Ryuji Imada
Dustin Johnson
Retief Goosen
Geoff Ogilvy
Craig Stevens
Vijay Singh
David Hutsell
Gregory Bourdy
Louis Oosthuizen
Tom Gillis
Thomas Aiken
Fredrik Jacobson
Raphael Jacquelin
Jeff Coston

Answer: They all beat Tiger Woods today.

-- Dalton Hammond


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

FSBO - Golf front rancher for sale by owner in Pinehurst, NC

$329,900 Price includes PCC Full Membership transfer and golf cart
Need to sell your home first? Owner may finance!

For sale by owner: Single Family one-story ranch; 3 bedrooms; 2 full baths

Location: Doral Woods, Pinehurst, NC, 4 minutes to Pinehurst Country Club clubhouse by personal golf cart, on hole #4 of course Number 1. No other homes are visible from rear view.The 1-mile Pinehurst harness track is 500 feet away, on other side of fairway.

Price: $329,900 - includes Pinehurst Country Club Full membership transfer and 2006 E-Z Go golf cart.

Country club amenities include unlimited play on PCC courses No. 1-6 uncluding the world renown Course Number 2, the home of the 2014 Men's and Women's U.S. Open; full clubhouse privileges, tennis courts, pools, lake, and all practice facilities.

Other: New AC/Heating system and dishwasher; fireplace, wooden deck, 400-sq ft garage holds 2 cars and golf cart.

GFLA: 1,832

Year Built: 1980

Well-built custom home in good condition; could stand kitchen and bathrooms upgrades.


Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Federal Shutdown

The looming Federal Shutdown should not bother our country's leaders. It has already been impossible to reach a Social Security or D.M.V. office by phone for the past 30 years. -- Dalton Hammond

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Seth Henry Isaac Tyson

My mother grew up on a farm in Eastern North Carolina during the Great Depression and as a youngster I used to occasionally hear her mention a farmer she used to know named Seth Henry Isaac Tyson. The name struck me as unusual but I made nothing of it.

Many years later, one Sunday afternoon we were riding around the back roads of my mom's girlhood when she pointed to a mailbox and exclaimed with glee, "It's HIM! Seth Henry Isaac Tyson!", and then I understood. His mailbox only had room for his initials.

-- Dalton Hammond

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Happy as a...

Just how happy do clams get anyway?
-- Dalton Hammond

Monday, January 17, 2011

Your computer is NOT dead!

It has been estimated that OVER 50% of the "dead" computers that are brought in for repairs are okay. That is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with them.

Before you pay the geeks $175 to get you running again or before you buy a new computer because you think you've been zapped try this FREE trick of mine before you decide your hard drive has been fried or you think you've been wiped out by a virus.

You have to go to my other site for the secret. Don't worry, everything's free and nobody's going to track your usage.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Understanding Derivatives

Somebody emailed me this...D.H.
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit . She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later.

Heidi keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers' loans). Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit .

By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS. These securities then are bundled and traded on international securities markets.

Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds really are debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices still are climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi.

Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons, but being unemployed alcoholics they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and Heidi's 11 employees lose their jobs.

Overnight, DRINKBOND prices drop by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.The suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar.

Now you understand derivatives.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

The Color Pink

The Dalton Hammond Institute For Advanced Research has learned that stretch marks are caused by the color pink.

-- Dalton Hammond