Skin Deep

I had a girl friend once who would make me wait an hour while she teased and sprayed her dyed hair, drew eyebrows back where the real ones had been plucked, glued on eyelashes and daubed mascara, painted her artificial fingernails, applied makeup and powder to hide her face, put on a bra to enhance her sagging bosoms, a girdle to make her look thinner, stockings and high heels to make her legs look shapelier and then spent the rest of the night bitching to me about how all guys are just fakes.

-- Dalton Hammond

Junk Mail

Who do I complain to about this?

Lately I've been getting quite a bit of junk mail from the United States Postal Service.

-- Dalton Hammond

Federal Shutdown

I've had enough of this business of blaming the Federal Shutdown on Republicans.

If there were no Democrats would we still have a shutdown? Thankyouverymuch.

-- Dalton Hammond

NASA Mars Rover finds no sign of methane

(P.B.N.) -- Finding no methane on Mars, NASA has turned its instruments to Russia where massive amounts of methane have been detected. Scientists suspect it comes from Putin.