Things To Do At Wal-Mart

I found this on the internet. -- Dalton Hammond

Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse or significant other is taking their sweet time:

* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
* Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
* In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's those voices again!"
* If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into the dressing room and yell real loud, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

For Men Only, Volume 1

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"I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them" Jay McInerney

-- Dalton Hammond