More Ghosts

Ghosts abound if you know how to look for them. After reading my TRUE report on the Maco Ghost a friend sent me the following note from his home town of Abingdon, Virginia -- Dalton Hammond

Well, Ghostbuster, our pulpit-pounding preachers have chased the devil out of the mountains, so maybe he found refuge in east Carolina....but if you want to chase ghosts come on up to our little town. We're overrun with ghosts and spooks and things that go bump in the night.

We've got so many there's a professional ghost expert who conducts regular tours of haunted sites at $15 bucks a head. The tourists love it and she's making a good living.

But forget the $15...I'll give you a tour for free:

I'll show you the place on the floor at the Martha Washington Inn where the blood of a dead Confederate soldier seeps through the wood on occasion. The Inn (then a girl's school) was a hospital during "da wah" and the soldier supposedly died there and still haunts the place. Several of the guest rooms are haunted as well and I've heard the hotel charges extra to stay in them.

The ghost of Robert Porterfield, founder of the Barter Theatre, is reputed to haunt the old theatre and several actors have reported seeing him appear at the back of the hall during performances, dressed in his customary white dinner jacket. One such apparition a few years ago brought the play to a halt when the actors froze on stage and couldn't remember their lines. The old theater, which dates to the early 1800s, has several other ghosts as well. I know personally of a wardrobe lady who refuses to work in a dark little room downstairs.

Then there's The Tavern, built in 1779 , where the spirit of a girl murdered in the building more than a century ago occasionally shows up and gooses the waitreses, causing them to drop their trays. And then there's the closed-off attic - used as a hospital during the Civil War - where numbers marking where beds were placed appear and disappear on the wall in blood red. [My] uncle...is friends with an electrician who fled in terror when the numbers started glowing while he was working on the power line.

We even have a horse ghost. As the story goes, the horse belonged to one of the Yankees who burned the town during the War for Southern Independence and was shot and killed by the local militia. The horse ran away but is still seen on occasion, galloping riderless down Church Street.

There's lots of others as well....including the apparition that appears at a window on the second floor of the Washington County News, which has been located in the same building for 200 years, and the spirit that floats above a grave in the old Sinking Springs Cemetery. The spirit is said to be that of a Confederate deserter who was forced to dig his own grave and stand beside it while he was put to death by firing squad.

You want ghosts...we got ghosts! Come see us.

-- Olde "Booooooo"

How To Make A Britney Spears Cocktail

HOW TO MAKE A BRITNEY SPEARS COCKTAIL

With gin and vermouth
Stir in one wasted youth.
Top with an eight ball,
Washed down with rohypnol.

Mix sugar and spice,
And just to be nice
But not any cheaper,
A douche bag of reefer.

And feeling quite numb,
The hour has come,
For parental occasion,
Your kid's visitation.

©2008, Dalton Hammond

Mod Waterfall

This is a waterfall near a friend's mountain cabin. The trees were so bare I goosed up the color and added a few digital touches. -- D.H.



©2008, Dalton Hammond

Things To Do At Wal-Mart

I found this on the internet. -- Dalton Hammond

Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse or significant other is taking their sweet time:

* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
* Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with Pokemon vs. the X-Men.
* Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
* Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
* Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
* In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume "It's those voices again!"
* If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Go into the dressing room and yell real loud, "Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"