Review: The Lone Ranger

I take back what I thought about the Lone Ranger.

After I got over the shock of what they did to my revered image of the traditional story I have been replaying some of the highlights of the new film in my memory and I'm enjoying them more with each replay.

We should all be used to Hollywood special effects by now but the sight of the Daring and Resourceful Masked Rider of the Plain riding his ('stupid'...according to Tonto) white stallion at full gallop atop a racing train still resonates in my mind.

Yes, I was even treated to the William Tell Overture but Tonto's comment when the signature scene came with the Lone Ranger pulling Silver onto his hind legs and calling "Hi-yo, Silver!" will go down along with "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" and "I'll be b-a-a-c-k" as one of the great moments in film history.

See it anyway.

--Dalton Hammond

Cream Rises

Cream rises to the top ... but turds float, too.

-- Dalton Hammond

What is your mental age?

I will be 71 in a few months.

While fixing supper tonight I received a phone call from a friend in Georgia who wanted me to drop everything and turn on the TV to see a full-length movie remake of the TV series "Starsky and Hutch". I had never seen a full episode of the series, only enough to make me turn off the set, but I decided to run down some YouTube clips of the new movie just to humor his wishes. They reaffirmed everything I have ever thought about the mentality of TV viewers. I had always figured the average viewer mentality at about 6th grade but I was starting to think it might be more like 3rd grade.

Intrigued, I Googled around trying to find research on this topic. Instead, I stumbled onto a little 20-or-30-question quiz that purports to determine a person's mental age. I gave it a try and learned that my mental age is 72 years. The darn quiz was smarter than I thought. I am wise beyond my years, it seems.

http://www.dumb.com/mentalage/

Mentally, how old are YOU?

-- Dalton Hammond

What We Have Here Is Failure To Communicate

I just called a local company looking for a replacement lamp socket for my garage door opener. The answering service lady explained that the office was closed for lunch and should reopen about 1:30 pm. I asked if I should call back then at the number I just dialed and was told that I should.

My question is: Nobody DIALS any more do they? What should I have said? "Call back at..." doesn't count. I want to know what word now replaces "dial". Should I "press" the number I just pressed? And what if I "voice dialed" it? Woops...there's that word again. (It seems that phrase means almost nothing when you think about it)

Our useful words are quietly vanishing away. Attrition should be made of sterner stuff.


-- Dalton Hammond